I hate door-to-door salespeople. Yup, I really, really hate you. Whether you're looking to sell me a green lawn, discount tickets to the nearest pub, or chocolates for your school trip - I'm not interested. Going through your spiel right after I tell you I'm not interested will not make me change my mind. I didn't want your crap before, I certainly don't want it now that you've kept me at my door for longer than I needed to be past "not interested".
When I get home from work I change out of my work clothes and throw on my rattiest jammies or tights and t-shirt. I want to be comfortable after I've been standing on my feet all day. I also have crap to do when I get home, like make dinner, do the laundry, dishes, homework with the kids, etc. When I hear the doorbell ring my blood pressure goes through the roof. Why? Because you have a knack to show up at my door just as I've started a sauce that needs to stirred constantly or it will burn. Or in the middle of a really, really interesting part of a show (no, I DON'T WANT to pause it). Or right as I'm cleaning lizard shit off my floor. Or I've just sat down at the dinner table. You get the point. It is a rare thing that I'm just sitting around doing absolutely nothing, waiting for something to happen. The same goes for weekends and the few days I get off during the week (yes, they show up on week days also, I just had one), except it makes me even angrier. Leave me alone. Either I have things to or I'm getting prepared for guests. Either way, am I making my point? I don't have the time or patience to listen to you. I have tried to find a "NO SOLICITING" sign, but I have been unsuccessful. I have a feeling they wouldn't read it anyway.
I have tried in the past to be polite and listen to you go on and on about how your product is so fantastic I have to buy 3 right now and sign up for a monthly subscription for the rest of my natural life (and possibly will it to my grandkids). However, I have found that if I need something, I will either a) already have it; b) go out and buy it; or c) look it up online. Perhaps I do need it, but maybe I just cannot afford it right now. None of those scenarios require a person to come to my door to tell me I need it first. Often I find that once the person goes through their memorized speech, you politely decline, and they start in on the second prepared speech. The one where you are no longer the soft sell, you're now the hard one. Maybe they'll try to guilt you in to it. That's happened to me on a few occasions. The last time, I felt bad for the animals and said: 'fine, I'll give you $20". She said great, got out her little form for me to fill out, and did not mention until I was done with the form that it was $20 a month. They were not interested in one-time donations. Oh, no, they wanted my money every month. Suffice it to say, she did not get the $20.
Nowadays I open the door and while the smile is still forming at the corners of their mouths I tell them I'm not interested and I close the door. The smile turns upside down real quick. I have been called "awesome rude" (yes, I can hear you through the door), but quite frankly, you're on my doorstep, wasting my time. I think I have every right to not want to talk to you for even a second. The only reason I open the door is because I have a huge window in the door, and you can see me. I have even peeked around the corner some days, seen who it was and sat silently in the kitchen or family room (wherever I happened to be at the time) and waited until I hear them walking back down the front steps. Sometimes after ringing and knocking two and three times.
I had a very interesting pair come to my door last summer. I was in the kitchen getting coffee when they rang the doorbell. I looked over and made a shooing motion with my hand. It was Sunday morning, and I just wanted to enjoy my coffee and the nice day it was shaping up to be. I sit my butt down on the couch and the doorbell rings again. I get up, look at the door and it's still them. Really? I shoo again and yell out, "not interested". I was also in my pjs at the time, no bra, face and teeth unwashed. Not exactly presentable. I go back, sit down and the bastards start hammering on my door! I could not believe it. I got up, stormed to the door, opened it and started screaming at them like a crazy woman. Profanities may have been used. I just want to put this out there: if you're selling crap door to door and the person gives you two different signs that they don't want to answer the door, you probably should move on to the next house. Or just go home. We don't want you ringing our doorbells anyway.
I also have to single out these two groups:
To the kids/adults selling chocolate and/or candy: Maybe I'm not saying no because I'm an asshole and I hate you (I probably am and do). Maybe I'm diabetic. Maybe I have a weight problem and the last thing I need is a Mars bar on my counter. Maybe I don't feed crap like that to my kids if I can help it. Maybe I really don't have even $2 to spend right now. There are a hundred possible reasons I'm saying no. Don't give me that face (you know which one) or that attitude (you definitely know which one), because I do not owe you an explanation. And just so you know, I have NEVER sent my kids to your door begging for money.
To the people looking for a donation to (insert name here) charitable organization: Again, maybe I'm not saying no because I'm an asshole and I hate you (I probably am and do). Maybe I am trying to figure out on my minimum wage salary how I'm going to feed my kids this week. $20 doesn't sound like a lot. But to me it is. The cost of a cup of coffee a day, you say? I can't afford a cup of coffee a day. I make mine and bring it with me to work. I live in a house, so you automatically think I have a disposable income you can have. Maybe all of hubby's paycheck is going to the mortgage and maybe all of mine is going to food. There's not much left over for you or the orphans or your soccer team or the polar bears floating on the melting glacier ice, sorry. But this is not really any of your business, so piss off and don't give me attitude when I turn you away.
Or better yet, just don't ring my doorbell.
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